Here I am. This is me.
Define blue.
今天告別了七月，天氣也開始逐漸清涼了些。再來又是落葉的季節了。。
我在Camberley的床靠近陽臺，今天天氣好把門都打開讓風與陽光進來，自己躺在溫暖的被單裏望著屋外高高的大樹、樹上的烏鴉、及烏鴉頭頂上的藍天與白雲，享受著短暫的、平靜的、星期天午後。
生活還是老樣子，還是天天飛車到High Wycombe無奈的看著自己不熟悉的CRM 及HR，希望終有一日問題會突然的了然、決絕。（神啊，給我多一點智慧）。只是最近來了個同事，一起共車上班。其餘一個人獨享短暫的私人時間，享受著自己ipod+airplay 的喜悅，現在卻需要多顧慮他人的感想。。。飛車大聲唱著動力火車的《想放棄卻不干心放手》也要有所保留，免得嚇壞人家。
SSL回不成了，寫信告知Dave說如果沒有其餘的XI特務，我準備啓程回家再探其他的機會。。。暗喻著我想離開該公司了。我想Dave也明白，急忙表示讓我留下來參與DeBeers或BBC London 的特務（但可惜卻不是XI）。Dave是個大好人，我很欣賞他的為人處事，還有他50來歲還是美麗動人的太太Debbie。Debbie則是把我當著自己孩子般對待，可能是他們只是生得兩個女兒沒兒子吧。SSL回不成Dave也很抱歉，同時也很生氣那裏PM狡猾的回應，想到這點我也不想為難Dave，畢竟它也盡了力，只是職位的約束讓它往往無法給我們最好的安排。到頭來，如果公司無法回應我XI的興趣，我想我也得告別這地方了。。。
生活很納悶。。。工作時間以外就是在廚房準備晚餐/午餐。除了銀行戶口厚了些，烹飪創意了些，駕車認路也好了些，我想，其餘的還是站在原點。不知是否該回去了。。。
與家鄉的好友親人有脫節了。。。嗯，不知大家還可好麽？
等我。。。快回去了。
recently there's a fuss stirred up in the company regarding discriminating comment being made to the global resource team, having being refered to as "cheap resource" and being treated with less respect and benefits (huh?).
i personally havent experienced such behavior with my uk counterparts... for those people im working with, they are friendly enough to talk to u bout their family, pets, their holiday/weekends, their new psp and their best race lap. im sure people will react differently when you're from the other side of the world and from a totally different culture/skin color, it helps to turn off the hyper sensitivity during such interaction as it's sure to take time fitting in at both sides.
to put it into words, why on earth do u think a uk company bear the trouble to come all the way and start a company in malaysia? for one consultant they hire in uk, they can afford to hire at least 5 of the same caliber in malaysia. so cheap resource is a known reason, just that ppl dun like it being put in the face... much like an african american wont like being call "black" even when he's fine with it- being black i mean (it's not like the fella woke up everyday screaming aahhhhh im black!!), it's just most of the time the term is put on use for an offensive meaning, and it's rather the general purpose of it than the physical-fact that such terms should be avoided. if you find urself being ignored/taken lightly of, it's most probably your skiilz rather than a racial issue... but of coz there's always some nazi assholes around, but those people are just too uneducated/civilized to be bothered with anyway. sides, it's a human nature to not respecting someone (for any reason), and if someone doesnt respect you you DONT have to respect them back, simple, nothing to whine about.
the directors sent out a mail with a strict warning to the company for anyone who uses these sensitive terms and state the global resource to be treated as equals to the uk employee. bah, word. respect is earned, not demanded... in the end of the day it's how you carry yourself infront of your colleagues which tells how well you are being accepted/respect.
quite whinning. bitches.
July, july. Since the alpha project at ssl will be undergoing UAT and go-live by end of the month, there’s nothing much to do hence office decided to chuck me into Elyo in High Wycombe doing some HR programming for the time being. Having moved to Camberley from Tilford, going to fleet from here is mere 15min, but towards HW will still be 35min a trip. So im now waking up 6am everyday driving to work in this sub urbs + industrial area, in this building with small rooms, old dim lightings and small corridor… which feels pretty much like a power plant.
After being put on project I started cooking my own meals. The kitchen has been getting quite respectable after repeated weekends’ grocery shopping, and occasionally you’ll come across something clever u must have (for fun or sentimental purpose), namely – Chinese five spice ground herbs, kikkoman soy source, lee kum kee oyster source… etc. even if the queen decided to drop by for a surprise visit I wont be caught off guard to prepare her a fancy meal on the spot. ho ho ho.
Today’s Denise’s birthday, she has just returned from shanghai project back to the kl office now (but unfortunately she took a few days off). Luckily the flowers delivery are clever enough to call her and have it sent instead to her house… that and she’s not gonna bite my neck off. Oh, and the mom likes the flying piggy card too.
Happy birthday denise. (Hope you had a great year!)
Phin's birthday was last week, was gonna wait till last minute only calling her but she tak tahan liao so she sms-ed me reminding me to wish her coz it's her birthday... or else (at a blardy 7am uk time as well!). long time havent catch up with her, will call her again end of the month to check out her co exam results (despite being told not to if no news from her). but heck, it's not my problem. :D
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feeling dem light headed now, dizzy and sweating cold sweat. maybe it's the unforgiving weather, maybe it's this dem power plant interior with minimum ventilation, maybe it's the lack of sleep waking up far too often at night, maybe it's the UV damaging the brain after having a haircut, maybe it's the eggplant lunch i cooked, maybe it's the depression after long time missing from friends and familiar (theory from my colleague), maybe it's too much katamari last weekend, or maybe im just nervous coz im asking someone to marry me tomorrow.
well. kidding. but it has got to be one of those reason. fk, i better fk off earlier today.
八年前我們在最意外的時候相遇，在沙灘上一起散步笑談未來，浪一來我們的足跡變成兒時回憶。風輕雨淡的我們各別而去。。。
八年后我們又在最出奇的地方相遇，在寧靜的小鎮散步笑談過去，風一來我們的背影化成記憶。在一個平凡的午後，沒有風也沒雨，一個陽光斜照入睡房的午後，你再次離去。。。
謝謝有你共享的時光，讓我迫切體驗到有人等待的家，值得去努力的去保留。有人等待的地方，值得去嚮往。
下次來了就別走吧。。。這樣來來去去會留下很多抹不去的痕跡。
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photos in imagestation. i need a better service which allows me to direct link.
