Here I am. This is me.
Define blue.
wow. the next time suilin said something bout a crowd, i better believe her so.
so how many actually did turn up? 30? 40? dun know, im always too stuck in the middle to count. Bar Savanh, not a bad place with loads of zen spewing at every corner : stone figures, wooden furnish/furniture, warm glowing lamp, koi fish pond, and loads of alcohol which keeps most of the people happy and smiling.
im driving. i know beer is a disgrace but da, driving, so couldnt drink too much (sorry guys ;), and i need to wake up early next morning attending some tasks forcing myself not to stick around long enough to see u guys get drunk and do the belly dance (if that does happen, i hope all the cameras are well charged (cheng leong, send me pics)).
was much distracted with all the people and crowd going in and out. one thing ron was absolute right bout: gorgeous girls are never short in such places. Was here just to chill out and get to know the people who ive been regularly reading their posts. However another malicious scripted event from his truly - fate, staring thru the glass window i spotted a girl who looks scary too much alike a friend of mine. no other couldve gotten any closer : the hair, face, height and curves, which brings great disturbance for i still couldnt bear to imagine herself being here with that particularly intriguing group of people. the amount of alcohol i took was reasonably small, i had a great deal of time and spaces to confirm my senses, which i had later on figured to have mislooked the girl for another person... she doesnt bear the same smile i remembered. As much as her incline nature to try wild things and making emotionally biased decisions, i would still hope herself being free from these places of insecurity and temptations. being here myself and wishing her not to, makes me feels like a complete selfish bastard. and yes i am.
anyway. i hope everyone had one hell of a time. ;)
pictures with suilin.com and xes.cx
- posted by Shin @ 1/31/2004 02:11:00 AM :
Ever since dad installed that dish thing on the roof, the house was under constant propoganda from so called astrologist/fung shui expert (my foot) Lilian Too, worst part is my dad has been listening to these blasphemy and enjoying it. i too used to believe everything in this world is calculated by a certain formula chaining one event to another, either on one self or other, in current time or future. much as how we figured the composition of a water molecule, or the calculation for gravity, i think god should have other still-hidden formulas keeping the world running the way it should.
Overheard from numerous tv programmes during cny when i was channel surfing, monkey people are dued to have luxious successful love life this year. which literaly means 1/12 of the people in this world will meet/sleep/marry someone they love this year and be happy bout it. having my usual tabooed persistency to prove ppl wrong, the blame on fate seems to surface its ugly face everytime failure was imminent. maybe im just used to looking for excuses on every fall.
i still blame it on gravity.
there's some sort of bloggers gathering tonight. probably off meeting some new faces again. i hope i could find the way.
- posted by Shin @ 1/30/2004 12:09:00 AM :
my tour guide informed me yesterday the bookings we made for 17th April at Bubu resort Perhentian Island failed coz some perak sultan royalty families booked the whole damn resort having a birthday celebration... it's either the screwed up tour fella only tried making the booking a decade later than he should have, or the pig ass royal family used their superior political influence over the resort management to shift our bookings. either way, i still have someone to put the blame on and protest in silence for their incompetence.
fuck. must be good being filthy rich.
- posted by Shin @ 1/28/2004 08:44:00 AM :
i love chinese new year. It's a time where you shove everything you are currently doing and give way to the festive season. work and exams are replaced with a continues chores of drinking and gambling (i dun gamble, but i still get the excitement watching others do), usually accompanied by stories, old and young, and endless laughter.
worries however doesnt wait at the door steps while you finish your next pint. intead, it rushes in thru the front door uninvited, pushes everyone aside grabbing you by the collar and slam your head mercilessly on the new rose wood table aunty christmas-tree just ordered and air-shipped from mongolia. Sometimes in the wakes of all fun and laughter, the sudden vacumm created after the rush of excitement cause a narrow missed in your senses and despair seeps in fast, unexpected, accelerated by the pressure of vacum built within. that's when, in a minor split second, you look at the people around you and gazing thru the histories going way far back. twenty four years. which is also equivilant to 210240 breathing hours. which is also enough to film a 3504 episodes drama series, terribly soaked up with hapiness and despair, love and hatred.
looking around you you see life moving on. i remember well last year, the same group of us in the same place that we are now, still talking bout who got hitched who and how each and everyone is getting along in their relations. given a 365 days of time, we are now sitting here talking bout career, investments, and how tiring it is to spend a chinese new year being with your family then having to travel half the pennisula to your in-laws' on the next day, talking bout plans on where you wanna be with after getting married. marriage it seems, has just made a recent entry to our topics. next thing i know, they'll be talking bout giving birth and educating children.
it's an enjoyable celebration this year, i get to see alot of my old friends, some whom i havent since we all left secondary five years ago. some change, some never seems to. but in the end we still look at each other, shoke each other's hand and chat like old friends does. and in that split seconds, again, between breaths, my thoughts trailed between my lines, thinking bout a friend 600 miles apart having the same youthful time, we will then go back a few days later with lots of stories to talk about...
"may the year of the monkey brings you : a gorrila of wealth, a gibbon of wisdom, an ape of success and chimpanzee of health. happy monkey scratching new year!!"
- posted by Shin @ 1/25/2004 06:52:00 PM :
一年又一年,初一又十五,
你又大一岁,我又大一岁,
岁月不留人,人随岁月走,
朋友在此我送你三星报喜:新年快乐,欣欣向荣,心想事成.新年新希望.
- posted by Shin @ 1/21/2004 10:05:00 PM :
oh. and btw, if u are here...
1. drive safely.
2. no, there's no such things as an olephon.
3. i hope the meat jerkies are not poisonous (dun eat the charred part).
4. enjoy your holidays.
5. and better start calling the tenants on febuary.
call you on chinese new year. tc.
p/s: you look good in that hairdo.
- posted by Shin @ 1/19/2004 11:40:00 AM :
again, despite myself being a rotten bastard, i still hold a soft spot for unfortunate people. Which means, i feel bad visiting old folks' home, hospital wards with old people, seeing those war torned countries and refugee camps... it breaks my spirit and makes me feel really sad for the rest of the day.
Last night, i was driving late near midnight to a friend's place in ss2. as i was passing thru this flats housing areas in kelana, under the orange street lights i saw this middle age man in his trishaw bicycle rummaging thru the big dumpster salvaging recycle material from it and mule pack them on his bike. These view often brings great grief to me, as often as ive seen it, the feelings still cause a torrential turmoil.
i assume everyone who reads this posts are wealthy enough to spend a couple hundreds on a weekend hangout / hair dressing, and doesnt fuss much bout it. but so much have we getting used to our lifestyle we forgot the rest of the world whom, at the same time with us emptying our tankard, went collecting alluminium cans and paper from dustbins trying to earn enough for tomorrow's meal.
the rich will be richer and the poor will continues on being poor. something is just not right with this whole system. damn this world. but then again, if the poor resulted to violence, causing safety problems which, runs into my way, il be none the happier to put them down (guess my good side doesnt runs far).
shin thinks : "这个世界不应该是这样的。" - Anthony Wong (Infernal Affair)
- posted by Shin @ 1/19/2004 09:57:00 AM :
having bad dry cough. tingling sensation deep down far enough to be unreachable by any means. worst part is coughing doesnt help pacifying the itchy sensation. until when it gets bad enough, the body responses with a rib cracking artery bursting cough, feels like ur whole inside being thrown upward coming out from ur throat, seconds later, leaving u weak, grasping for air and trying to regain the few seconds of lost heart beat.
yes, it is that bad. and it has been keeping me awake for sometime.
ive been over mountains and seas in my singlets-slippers combo getting cuts and bruises all over but yet again, put me in this routine repeatative life and i still falls sick at a timely basis.
... something must be rotten inside.
here's a nice song from a should-be-nice movie...
遇见 (电影"向左走向右走"第一主打) - 孙燕姿
曲：林一峰 | 词：易家扬 | 编：Terence Teo
听见 冬天的离开 我在某年某月 醒过来
我想 我等 我期待 未来却不能因此安排
阴天 傍晚 车窗外 未来有一个人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁 会有怎样的对白 我等的人 他在多远的未来
我听见风 来自地铁和人海 我排着队 拿着爱的号码牌
我往前飞 飞过一片时间海 我们也常在爱情里受伤害
我看着路 梦的入口有点窄 我遇见你是最美的意外
终有一天 我的谜底会解开
so sad... hear also wanna cry liao.
- posted by Shin @ 1/16/2004 03:23:00 PM :
was touring a friend around my condo areas looking for room rental last night.
phin : (excited) we wait until people walk out then we slip through the door...
shin : hmmm, ok. alright, there's ppl coming out now.
phin : *giggles*.
shin : hey, stop giggling, the guard is suspicious.
(slips through glass door)
(pulls the telefon thread from flier.. the whole piece flier came down instead)
phin : this, explains that im strong.
shin : this, explains you didnt use your head. *ouch (foot kena step)
phin : how bout this one? renting whole unit for 1k... not bad what. and i even get to use the parking lot.
shin : well, you would need to find some housemates worr.
phin : yalor hor.
shin : nvm, i move in with u.
phin : got too much money izzit?
shin : hmmm... it says here "preferably family or couple" worrr.
phin : ya hor..
shin : nevermind, we can pretend we're a couple. *oouuuch.
phin : hey, i like the sound of this one... medium room rm300... call them for me?
shin : *shrugs
phin : u know the place better mah
shin : (picks up the small panasonic phone and sticks uncomfortably to the ear)
shin : nobody's picking up.
phin : try again.
shin : (phone not responding) hey, your phone hangs lar...
phin : lemme see? it recognize you're not its owner.
shin : how can u buy a phone used by some third grade singer who's unable to pronouce the lyric properly one?
phin : let's get out of here, you're sweating.
shin : it must be you being here beside me...
lady's voice : ello?
shin : shhh. hi, im calling in regards of the rental advert you put up?
lady's voice : alright, would u like to check out the place? gimme five minutes, im in the shower right now.
shin : (turns away from phone) no shit.
showering lady : 5 minutes.
shin : okaaaayyyy....
shin : erm. she's having a shower...
phin : (strange looks).
(5 minutes later)
shin : you stand here. probably when she sees you being cute enough, she'll give you a discount. il might scared her.
lady with wet hair dripping : (gazing thru peek hole) hi hi, come in.
shin : hey, this unit doesnt look so bad. nice furnishing. and it even has a balcony overlooking the swimming pool.
phin : (glares)
shin : nice view wor, *wink wink.
phin : if i want nice view i better find one which faces the gym.
shin : different one, the pool better. (continues glarring off the balcony).
lady now fully clothed : yes, and it's more quiet at this block oso, shielded from the highway noises.
shin : [force seduce] could my friend here install her aircond here as well?
lady seduced by my manly affections : well... i guess that's wont be much a problem... but might need to add some additional payment to the bill.
shin : u know what, i live next block in 11th floor...
phin : *frown
lady still under force influence : well, ok, but we'll have to see bout that when the bill comes out...
shin : oh, but then again, we wont know of the cost UNTIL we had the aircond installed, isnt it?
lady getting confused : yeah lor. what can do?
shin : err. thanks, she'll let u know...
(going down the coridoor to the evalator)
phin : (still giggling, and with that "i know something u don't smile")
shin : err.. what?
phin : (gives u a few glance then do that smile she did again..)
shin : WHAT?
phin : nothing.
shin : alright, i did what i had to. but that's fer your own good, missy.
phin : i din say anything wor.
shin : bummer.
(down the condo area)
shin : alright, here's where we used to eat and shop for groceries. and there is my fello man selling burgers, and mamak fella.
phin : why u and your big brother and you so unlike one?
shin : not that terrible kua, at least got some tiny similarity between us, see these fingers? my brother actually has another set of ten.
phin : ur brother is like very academic person, fair and polite. u on the other hand is the sporty out going fella...
shin : so which kinda guy u like?
phin : *groans...
i enjoyed picking the nerve on this lil girl. but she on the other hand, is having one hell of a nightmare as far as i can tell. ;)
- posted by Shin @ 1/12/2004 10:24:00 AM :
numerous times have i heard from her, "you have a strong pride".
yes. pride. as much as i hate admitting that, but pride has gotton into the core of my being. 23 years have i lived my lifes and not a moment of it have i felt not competent and utterly inferior, falling behind in whichever competitive situations i've gotten myself into. i swore i could've beaten newton in the discovery of gravity if only we have apple trees growing abundantly here. now that, is pride.
ive been raised and placed a leader during most part of my life. defending my pride (although some out of foolish sense to give up) has become my second nature. as much as i hate argueing sense into empty heads, but sometimes, points needs to be taken seriously because the person surrounding you are too stupid to give up theirs nor taken urs seriously.. and especially having ur reputations at stake or life clings strongly onto it. i had my share of standing infront of the crowd, now my target is clear and simple : staying dirt low.
And sometimes, when you meet the person you liked alot, you still tend to talk too much. You want to share with her the past which she has been missing out. and as often u tried, you spoke much too fast than necessary, and explained too slow (or too much), then having ur foot caught unaware and tougue tied, hitting the ground hard in silent pain, *thump*, *ouch.
im not trying to argue out my standings, it never was. but im just never good in words, so it naturaly took a longer time and repeatative effort to clearly deliver a statement. especially against a debate-team slicky-tougue she-elve, maybe i shouldnt try defending at all. at least not in elvish.
...dont know if it's such a good idea to invite pain moving in close next to the heart.
- posted by Shin @ 1/12/2004 12:05:00 AM :
of how you define a person's professionalism in his career?
was that he act accordingly bearing the rules of working ethics? stern, coming to work early and leaving late, making polite jokes/gesture, courtesy laughs, talking cock and spewing bullshit lines like "may or may not be", "that's an interesting idea, but..."? could go with those above but making an in-the-face jab on a fellow colleague just because 1. you're a fucking sissy 2. you can't take humour correctly, and 3. you are having ur constant weekly period... is not my idea of how professionalism should sounds like.
yeah, you could probably spell 'tyrannosaurus rex' in reversed binary within 6 seconds, but i'm sorry, you are an ass hole. got a fat pay check? well, u're still an ass hole. that's just my opinion? no shit sherlock, who else opinion would that be? i would bash you up for being so batty if i bump into you on the street.
ethics my ass. justify my professionalism with a 10 days pro rata bonus, irrational donkey work, poor project management, water deprived loo and still-dunno-where-the-fuck-is-name-card.
fucking company and fucking people.
oh, and that's just my opinion. ;)
- posted by Shin @ 1/06/2004 11:23:00 PM :
1. Read the road signs and take the turning at the crossroad. Ask the sea puppy for directions.
2. Crosses the ocean to see the dolphins amongst the islands.
3. Resume freelancing. Construct framework projects.
4. Updates resume. Go for big shots.
5. Budget plans. Investment and properties. Treasure hording.
6. Upgrade rides, deco lair.
7. Invade lion city, and rising-sun empire.
8. take over the world, gives sow-ron mordor.
things needed to be done, just the matter of finding the right moment at the right time.
- posted by Shin @ 1/06/2004 10:27:00 AM :
Jan 03. As much as i tried letting this date lost in mist of others in my head, it always gets back to me at the right time. Ryan's birthday, the date horribly burned in your memory like the hot iron on a cow's backside.
She has been an long old friend of mine, infact, if u ask us how far we went, we would still say we nearly got married ;). It was through her that i found something important missing from my earlier days, someone whom i grew to respect and loved like wise. Both of us couldnt agreed more our behavior and line of thoughts are comparable to none others, she's a she-ryan, and me the he-ryan. terrorist, self-destructive, hard-headed and forever seeking to take over the world.
another year, another birthday. still as persistant as you always were, hope things go well for you in all the days to come. be yourself, but do take care of the others beside u, k?
happy birthday yen. ;)
...how long has it been since we walked that beach?
- posted by Shin @ 1/03/2004 11:45:00 PM :
even if you wake up just another day, knowingly it is a new year you have woke up in.
for all that matters it's just another day, like the three hundred and sixty five occurence of 2003. Yet i cant help but thinking out loud the questions i always had in mind, it is just on this particular day your brain significantly amplified them to remind u of your new year's resolution, should u have any.
of all the most obvious question which struck was :
"how long will you wait for a person?"
i dun know, i have been waiting ever since and believe will be as long as i have to. do i sit all day waiting for something i couldnt fully resolve hoping that one day what was once broken shall be reforged? As far as i would hope for, somethings which left you never look back taking a deep purge on the opposite direction of the deep space, kinetic continues forever driving things apart. if only a meteor could came into play and divert the escaping pod trailing back towards your directions. But meteor as such, like the Asteroid 1997XF, has but one out of a million chance of hitting earth. Still the faintest possibility are worthy of waiting for. some people deserves to be waited.
guess i couldnt think properly right now with all the work distracting my thoughts. nor do i believe i would come to a conclusion to such obvious yet ironicaly undecissive matter. il think bout that later.
happy 2004 guys.
- posted by Shin @ 1/02/2004 01:45:00 PM :
mid valley as we know it, is a huge structure housing myriads of corridors with identical corners and courtyards, easily misguiding unintended shoppers to go on rounds and rounds without a rigid purpose. place a master scout in the area and he'll still have problem navigating the path without stars as reference, twigs and rocks as marker.
a girl however, could mark the exact location, went on scouring the place for two hours and later come back to it with ease... GPS device built in, or part golden retriever i suspect.
(gosh, it's 2004)
- posted by Shin @ 1/02/2004 09:12:00 AM :
