Here I am. This is me.
Define blue.
went to a whole day of outing from one end of selangor to another. Im tired. So i took a day off from the usual sunday worship, from the traditions of hymmes and sermon and familiar faces. Coz between me and the big guy above, we have a whole lot to talk bout.
something doesnt change. even which are paid in your whole life of effort, somethings remains. (like a half-a-killion worth diamond ring, which is always so out of reach). bad surprises feels like mouthing a spoon full of yogurt only to discover they are actually sour-turned milk which was left in the fridge for far too long. leaves the rest of your whole day feeling disgust and sick.
so what's the american dream? the time when they first discovered fridge, washing machines and microwave, an illusion of having a perfect life with a house, a yard, a family of five with a dog, watching game shows footballs eating popcorns.
so it was afterall, a dream.
I hate this day.
It's the worst time of a year when expectation runs high, then to an all-time dry.
appreciation to people who called and sent their regards. you make life more wonderful and meaningful than it could ever been. thank you.
i've watched the show on VCD when i was back home during the holidays. Yes, i'm a pirate. my mom always wanted me to be a pirate, my favorite cartoon character is a pirate, my dog was named after a pirate.
Hi my name is Guybrush Threepwood. And i want to be a pirate!
Back to "Italian Job", the only thing i like bout the movie is the mini coopers. Stunning little set of furry wheels. The company is bought over by BMW sometime ago i heard, and they did some fine changes to the original settings too, designs and internal specs. Now it's more powah-fu dan ever~!!
 mini cooper |  mini cooper wannabe |
...which is both a good car i think. at their price.
Back to kl. just arrived an hour ago.
my short lived five days stay in kelantan has been a pleasent retreat. everyday wakes up like 2, salvaging whatever is left for me at the dining table(which is always enough), hiding indoor watching the rain dripping non stop for the past 5 days, writing stuffs, sketching stuffs, doing things i always wanted to do but neither the time nor inspiration to get to... Every part of kota bharu reminds me of something: peoples, places... Maybe it's my tendancy to relate everything to something i came across still valid in my memories.
but now im back and there's an awful lot of things waited to get done. this is the point where i again prayed i could just live a nomad's life, burn everything to the ground and move on. For a start, the room needs cleaning, the toilet need some strong acid to burn through those mushrooms colonies. I need to wash the car, i need to sandblast the side mirrors with my satanic number, i need to live through my birthday in one piece and getting to Kuala Selangor the next morning. my brother's wedding, song composing, christmas gifts, the strange high pitch humming sound from my pda, CF card replacement, new alien starship project specs...
first, the toilet. it has lived too far beyond my tollerence.
"I'm a jedi toothfairy... those which forces tooth out. literaly."
they say, "richest is not he who has the most but he who needs the least."
... bah, show me the money.
I am heading home, at last. After six months of restless dwelling in the metropolis, i have long forgotten how much i missed home until the thoughts of going back to it. God, it's still the most livable place where man can be and happy in.
(though a handful of my usual readers, for start, will highly disregards such uncivililzed thoughts).
The journey home was the most painful i've ever took, but the mere facts that i'll be seeing my fair land soon keeps me on to it, welding my sanity intact against my skull. The train stops numerous times, each at a point delaying hours which seems like eons, by-passing the incoming train which runs on the same single and only rail along the penisulla. When i bought my ticket earlier they had already ran out of sleeping couches, i have to make do with the ultra uncomfortable seatings squabbling with few dozens of anonymous identical aborginis on the way back as well for their seasonal celebration. Friendliness and tollerance for stranger is at an all time low. Lucky i didn't kill any person, cats, old ladies, or the wailing baby on the front seat. Just for the thoughts that i will infact, be seeing home again soon.
*skip hours of mindless meditating chant*
So here i am, home where i grew up for my first 20 years, infront of an ol pIII 500 retired from my uni days, and the 1996 pioneer p133 lying crippled beside it having the CDROM and floppy stripped revealing its bare internal circuit, electronical cruelty. Here i sleep without intervals of bad dreams or reminders of when should i wake up and what should i do next, it's a land where time is not a great concern. Want me to log into the office server to read the project specs? think again!! i am on my holiday and i rule here!!! ;)
few things which does troubles me though. first, my CF card which (i think) got toasted after my brother tried reading it with its card reader, and for the first time it occured to me that maybe, just maybe an apacer card reader doesnt really enjoyed being jacked with a kingston CF card at all. thus, i lost all my 30+ photos taken these few days, crippled to a 32M spare... i hope i kept that stupid warranty of mine. Secondly, the coming trip to Kuala Selangor on the 29th. I know few of you have heard me talking bout this ever since i started blogging, it is by then delayed numorous times over unexplainable incidents and occurence, up till now, i really hope we get to go there this time. Still, my friend says she's gonna bring a friend... kept me awake just bearing to the thoughts of that. Could end up a whole trip of nightmares.
alright. me birthday is near. i hope the world ends tomorrow.
(and if it doesn't, i demand live sacrifices!!)
(and/or, that half-a-million ring on kim's page)
p/s: and happy birthday Shannon! And Mr Zing too. ;)
"what is most valuable is not what you have in your life but who you have in your life."
"baa baa black sheep have u any wool? yes sir! yes sir! three bags full..."
should be banned.
and we also suggest replacing the common term "signing agreement in black and white" into simply "signing terms and conditions" because the first one suggests a racist opinion embedded.
subject : life.
lesson : #34576532
"never put ur trust on an insurance agent, or a car salesman"
afro ken says : j00 nid morh powah!!
please know that it's not easy for me to be seeing you being with someone else.
if we were hundreds of miles apart things might be easier for me. But the fact that we're seeing each other few times a week never helps to ease the pain... it just makes me feel missing you everytime even more.
life's a bitch. i too need morh powah!!
life is exactly like a role playing game. you started as a worthless peons in ragged cloths or leather, with your lausiest toothpick-sized rusty dagger u go around chopping rats and bashing crates collecting gold coins (for some reasons, rats carry gold and crates need being smash apart instead of openning them properly), gain "experience" (again, by chopping rats and bashing crates). After then u level up, spend all ur hard earn gold (from the rats) buying a slightly more useful, good looking tool and armor, then go new place to bash harder monster. repeat that long enough and you'll at some point grew tired of it and stop playing.
it's a matter of time before life was drench out of its initial interests. like a used prom dress, it was always so beutiful back then.
cuteness in bundles
"they say, if you don't hope at all, you'll never be dissapointed. what's to live for if there's no dream or hope?"- shin
The following picture was used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. Both dolphins are identical.
The researchers concluded that a person is under stress if he/she finds both dolphins look different. If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress.
So, if you see too many differences between the two dolphins, you are advised to pack your bag, go home immediately and take a rest.
two dolphins.
follow the que and you'll never get to what u want in life. unless of coz, what u want comes to you instead. so that's fate. ;)
(or unless u r just queing up for a cheese burger).
It's an ironic sense that you starting to hate driving the first minute you got your car. I hate it by the fact that with my known behavior to speed, taking sharp turns and changing lanes, i will, someday scratch my car (or probably kill some dogs). I hate it by the fact that the car will suck up more of my hard earn dough pumping rocket fuel and accessories and maintainence cost into them. I hate it by the fact that it gets dirty so easily and i can neither live with a dirty looking car or having being careful not to get it dirty all the time. but it's still a sleek machine with airtight compartment to drive around just enjoying the music. wait till i hit the 5k drive in level and install my red street glow neon lights.
oh yea. there's also a sudden raise of mania towards dogs. a penangnite fella just got her labrator retriever. another friend of mine just adopted a big brown watson patrick. maybe i should get the huge dog i came across in 1U sometime ago for myself in the coming christmas and put it in the passager seat. At least it doesnt get dirty by itself and no feeding/pooing required, plus, i can sleep on it whenever i feel like to.
Yesterday some friends were checking out my wheels, due to the fact that it smells like a new car so it's still interesting while the scent last. Was thinking of giving my friend a test run until one block-hand-block-leg fella jumped into the passager seats and getting excited over the idea... i was like, "man, get out get out get out", the hand trembles desperately lurging for the desert eagel .50 underneath the driver seat. "dun make me pull the fucking trigger~!!".
Feeling tired and all stretch up thin like butter spread over too many toasts.
Even the strongest coffee now tastes like perrier... caffeine has lost its meaning.
Tired. But life has much more to hope for. ;)
*yawn. just like every monday, you started the morning wondering what lies waiting for the rest of the week, crawling from your warm bed reluctantly but still persued by the sense that you might be late for work (again) and eventually loose your job. reality has caught your sorry ass and started kicking it around the room getting yourself dressed up and out of the safe haven door. once you lost sight of your lovely bed and junkyard-messy-but-still-comfortable room, you'll tend to give up going back and the only option given none is destination next.
seen matrix. despite the comments i heard from many, i think the movie wasnt too bad. Maybe it's time we start watching a movie like a movie : forget if the stories unfolds in a logical manner, forget if they are anological comparable to religious, politics, or computer logics, forget if it has a digestive sense of moral fiber, forget if the chicken finally made it across the road... take it by fact that it is a pretty good sci-fi action film with horrendeous generous amounts of CGI and kung fu fighting, which is a good winning combination i think.
sunday, the church organized a blood donation event. and bloody hell, look at the size of that bloody needle~!!! @#$#$$%. I hate the sense when they poke the cold metal into your veins, and they dun just poke it in, they went in paralelly with the surface, pick it up a little then jab it in again... and like Kim said, the bandage only covers the surface wound, right beneath is a damn larger-than-i-expect metal noose sticking into my vein spewing blood sending pulsating pain underneath the skin thru my neuron straight to the central control center, which is *ouch *ouch *ouch in a milisecond intervals. i swear i wont do that again... but then again, i swear everytime i finish donating blood and i still do it. ;)
Bloody pictures
"...the ferryman turns to address me, 'ahh, i see you bear the mark of a donor' 'you shall have a peaceful sleep tonight.' he went back to his task labouring the raft across the endless sand dunes, i swear i could see some glimpse of satisfaction in his hallowed black eyes... after then i remember no more."
In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight
In the village, the quiet village, the lion sleeps tonight
In the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling, the lion sleeps tonight
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling, the lion sleeps tonight...
John Roberts / R.E.M.
i had a bad dream.
i dreamt of my friend whom i tend to grew a liking to, like many unfortunate women we read in the paper everyday, being assaulted. I found her, traumatized, crying aloud wailing continuesly. All i could do was hold her in my arms but still she cried and trembles tremendously an obvious sign of violence and insecurity she had gone through. It breaks me to see her this way, even in dreams the sadness and anger pulse through my veins, pumping adrenalin to my muscle ready for revenge, which seems to be the only ventilation point for my errupting anger built up within.
then i woke up. it was but just a dream. i woke up with a bad fever and missed another day of work.
i need not emphasize more to be cautious wherever you go and the company you go out with. Some where some point, this world just went terribly wrong. Bad things happen, selfishly, i just pray at least it wouldnt be someone i know and cared for.
Amongst the chores of new office zombies we've been wandering between lately, i'm finally getting to know few significant individuals i'm meeting at a regular basis...
say hi to Johnson Suisse, Armitage Shanks, and Kimberly Clarke.
you guys really make my stay comfortable. *hugz*
(... try not to imagin that)
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
ironically,
i spent the whole rainy afternoon under thick blankets, listenning to continues play of "Celine Dion & Andrea Bocell - The Prayer" in full surround volumn, thinking of the person i cant be with right now and feeling sad for myself.
i miss her alot, still it seems.
despite myself being an ansy fag who's constantly getting excited over cute furry animals. i am still the most bad ass mean pirate gay-prosecuting person around.
so times when people tends to grew a liking on me, i'll say "why do u have to throw your life away?". im never a good boyfriend, my past says that i wasnt, and im still not.
so to be honest. really. getting into a relationship makes up alot in the future path of your life. so, be careful of what you choose and who to like. You have one life to live through, so make it worth while. There's no replay, that's what makes life so precious i guess.
plus, everything u do will be counted for at the end of the line. so, respect and realize.
oh yea, i am a lesbian. any hot girl can drop me a line. ;)
